We went to the doctors and surgery is scheduled for August 4th. I really thought that knowing we were moving forward would make me feel better but now I dread that date. The thought of wheeling her into the operating room and giving her that final kiss before surgery really scares me. I hate this whole process. She however seems really calm about it all. I wonder if I would feel differently if she were reacting in some way. I feel like I need her to need me. When they are really little they need kisses and they need you to hold them when they are sick but she is so distant from it all. I have a counselor set in place for her whom we will meet on August 1st. I hope that will help her through this. Life is hard enough for a teenager to cope with but when you add a serious health issue it just intensifies it! I have faith that she is a strong girl and she is a fighter. I am just a nervous nettie!!
As the days creep closer my nerves twist a little more. I would think it would ease a little with all of the support and hearing success stories. Something deep in my gut just feels a little off and honestly, I hope that feeling is wrong. I hope they go in and find exactly what they "think" they will find and nothing more! Fear drives me in many ways. I find it keeps me on my toes and makes me a lot stronger than I feel. Krystal reminds me every morning how many days we have till surgery. I try my hardest to hide my fear and emotions regarding it all.
Our family has been through so much in the past 8 years and this just seems so damn surreal and unfair. How can one family go through so many hardships? Where is my light? Sorry if this is such a somber post but I just needed to vent and this is the only way I can deal with my emotions.
My sister is California started a GoFundMe site to help with the costs incurred during this difficult time, you can find that below. I would also like to invite anyone to send her cards of encouragement and love to help her have the strength for a strong and quick recovery.
The address to send cards is:
PO Box 584, Hurley, NY 12443,
and they can be addressed to Krystal Long.
Thank you and much love!